Starting From Scratch

The recurring theme in my life seems to be starting from scratch.

I can hardly believe that where I’m standing right now is scratch though.  Actually I’m sitting on my couch watching The Doors live at the Hollywood Bowl in HD on Palladia.  Outside my window I can see Crystal City, the Pentagon Monument, Monticello, The Jefferson memorial, Alexandria, the Potomac River, Haynes Point, and on a good day the Fireworks they shoot over the Washington Monument.

Weighing my options the sky is literally the limit; but that is only possible because I’m starting from scratch again.

Nothing to See Here

"Go Get It" by T.I.

[Hook]
I got a grind, won’t stop:
Hustle won’t quit;
Shine like no other, I be on some other shit.
I got a high price lifestyle, super bad bitch.
If I want it, then I got it;
If I don’t then all I gotta do is
Go, get it, stay about my business;
Ball till I fall, floss until I finish.
I just go get it, stay about my business
I’m living just to kill it, stacking millions to the ceiling

[Verse 1]
Everyday above ground, all I wanna do is ball
Put my money over bitches, put my hustle over all
Louie down to the drawers, Luis Vuitton kicks
Got a mad hatter swagger, bitch I’m stupid dumb sick
With a group of young bitches and they stupid dumb thick
I’m the marathon man, all I do is run shit
A sophisticated convict, superficial, still official
Multimillion dollar shit
Money is the object, hot shit
Bitch I got a sauna on my arm
Six figure with no diamond
Richard Mille and Vacheron
They just talk about they got it,
I’m the upper echelon, though
Bitch I‘m bout that action, you could go on with that convo
I have done more than you dream bout
Get your dream bitch and your dream house
On lean passing them beans out
With a bad crew, the whole team high
Go on boy, get seen ‘bout, bruh you know me, you know I be
Stacking that dough, that’s all I see
I g.o.g.e.t.i.t.

[Hook]

[Verse 2]
I live life, up late night
Get shit faced when I take flight
I get paid, no sick days
My outfit’s so switch blade
Don’t sniff yay, but I blow dro
Bank roll on loco
Still ride with that 44
Don’t let my P-O know
Bad white bitch super thick
I’m Ice T, she Coco
She got another bitch, other bitches
Her ass fat, face so-so, no paper trail
No phone call, no emails, no photos
Just backshots, with that fat butt
And low blow headbutts in slow-mo
Purple label polo and Akoo that’s all I do
Man I strive and roll my denim in my new Margiella shoes
Man, we be cool if we just parle
On Margharita Molly and the strongest pack around
We menagin’ for a hobby
We kick it how we kick it
Know you envy how I’m living:
Just can’t resist the pimpin’.
Get the million ‘bout my business
Bruh you know me, you know I be
Stacking that dough that’s all I see
I g.o.g.e.t.i.t.

Thanks for Coming Out

This must be my last year.

I don’t ever want to hear from you. Please stop writing to me. Please refrain from texting me. Pretend that I am already dead and gone. Pretend that you never met me.

Never mind me, anymore.

No hard feelings.

Let 2012 go.

Ducks Are Down

Well the ducks at the pond in South Weezy are certainly down.

“Keep This Nigger-Boy Running”

"When you buck against me, you’re bucking against power, rich white folk’s power, the nation’s power – which means government power!"  – Dr. Bledsoe (including title) from Invisible Man

So I have a Dr. Bledsoe in my life right now.  For those of you that are not familiar I am referring to the character in the Ralph Ellison classic, Invisible Man, in which a dubious College President does his worst to damn the narrator while he was a student there –and beyond.  The narrator comes into conflict with several people that represent power as a recurring theme throughout the masterpiece but it is Dr. Bledsoe that sticks out as the most damaging and damaged.

The Head Nigga in Charge, or H.N.I.C. if you will, is an extremely dangerous character in real life for most Black people and Ralph Ellison’s warning has been echoed by diligent fathers throughout time.  The fact is that despite all of the oppression that has been inflicted by white people against black all over the globe it probably cannot compare to the damage that black people inflict on other black people.  Yes, the sad reality is that we are often times our own worst enemies.

The problem is compounded by internalizing the white oppressor’s ilk: an inferiority complex derived from self hate.  The moment that you realize that there are black people that exist that have white supremacist tendencies can be a very bitter experience.  Their belief in the invincibility of the white man is couched in the presupposed ineptitude of the black race but it is their inability to see individuals as they are that should be pitied.

My latest Dr. Bledsoe is infatuated with the power that he derives from his fiefdom.  He would do anything to continue his reign, including disparage any other black person that might offer clues that he is not so special.  As is often the case, Dr. Bledsoe’s don’t seem to be able to see themselves very well and mine is committed to information and credit hoarding to the point of self aggrandizement. 

For the H.N.I.C., they are steeped in Black exceptionalism: they are only one that could have possibly slipped through the cracks to get where they feel that they belong.  Dr. Bledsoe is content being the oppressor’s helper –even where overt oppression may not exist, and he consoles himself with the illusion of autonomy.  Unfortunately few of them understand that no one escapes that sort of systematic oppression, including themselves, and that they are merely unwitting puppets at best or at worst sole perpetuators.

So, what is one to do in the face of a Dr. Bledsoe?  Never trust them, heap praises upon them, try not to draw their ire, and give them a wide berth.  The best revenge against Dr. Bledsoe is to never educate him on his folly and to bide time until his replacement.  Surely there will be another Dr. Bledsoe in his place, but act surprised and keep him running.

Impenetrable

2012 has been an absolutely horrible year for me so far.  I had to make some serious changes to my program as a result.

I know that some of the people that don’t like me are reading and thinking that I have gotten exactly what I deserve.  Fuck you, though.

You will never be better than me.  My toad style is magnificent.

Japan 2012

This is it for me.  The little treat for myself was to go to this foreign land and see the sights.  Life is simple.

I studied at Kodokan. I tried some new things.  There is nothing left for me to do and so I bid you all a fond farewell.

Six Sentences Zen

 

Well, I’m glad that is over.

I will do everything in my power to ensure it will never happen again.

This has all been really bad for everyone involved.

I’m going to own up to my part of it now, too.

I’m not holding on to any negative energy.

The way of the gentle, is the only way.

Solstice Marker

I write less and less because the thought has finally dawned on me that you don’t really need to hear from me.  My voice isn’t that important to you and you probably have better things to do with your time.  It is a tough realization but one that I am finally ready to accept.  I don’t see much choice in the matter, anyway. 

Sometimes you have to be ready to take your place in anonymity like so many of those infantrymen that stepped off landing crafts or those brave souls that took their places on the firing line.  As much as you want to believe that you are special and different and somehow going to make it through the war of life unscathed, you might understand that it couldn’t always work out that way.  There are times when nobody can save you and your best isn’t good enough.

Such is life.

Yesterday was the longest day of the year which marked the Summer Solstice.  I think that I might have broken my finger swimming in the pool.  I was doing sprints and stretching for the wall when I misjudged the distance and slammed my right middle finger into the concrete.  This injury only exasperated another basketball injury in which I jammed my middle finger going for a loose ball playing pick-up with neighborhood kids three months ago.  How many more Summer Solstices will I get to see, I wonder?

How many more days of Summer will I have to enjoy in my lifetime?  I’m just one anonymous lonely soul.  I don’t really count for much in the grand scheme of things but I have been happy with my time in the sun and I would like some more even though everyday hasn’t been perfect.  Sometimes you might jam your finger or you may find out that you made terrible mistakes in your life.  When you say your prayers on the longest day, you might only recall the good parts worth repeating but life doesn’t really work that way.

Anyway folks, you may miss me when I am gone but don’t worry yourself too much.  Chances are you never really knew me and I was just like you: anonymous.

Rough Estimate

I have been reflecting on my childhood a lot lately.

I guess the recipe for someone like me is (Bicycles + Sledding + Boy Scouts of America + blue Fish raised to the power of lobster + imagined big time athlete multiplied by average ability + The Grenadines divided by Lagos + science raised to the power of Robert Moses divided by surfing + Robinson Crusoe + mediocre student at great schools + Church divided by pork + John Phillip Sousa + Rudyard Kipling times Roald Dahl + Shaka Zulu times Thomas Jonathan Jackson divided by David Letterman multiplied by David Farragut + Run DMC raised to the power of Rakim and then further raised to the power of the Great Robert Nesta Marley + The Souls of Black Folks raised to the power of the pyramids + Fraternity – McCoy Tyner divided by Buzz Aldrin – Charles Drew –Malcolm X divided by El Hajj Malik El Shabazz – Daniel Joseph Daly + courage under fire) all raised by the power of God’s forgiveness through Christ.

There will be no recreations.  And I still left out so much, but…

That is all.