Top Ten Lists… We Just Got to Have More

TOP TEN STUPIDEST THINGS I’VE EVER DONE

10.  I joined the Coast Guard as an enlisted man.

9.    I brought my car to New York City.

8.   Can you say 3 junior years of College? 

7.  I made a girl that I dearly loved so insecure that she left me. ( I think. )

6.  I punched a wall and broke my hand over that break up.

5.  I started a rumor that I bet against DeMatha in the 1990 city title game.

4.  I lost my baseball card collection that is probably worth $10,000.

3.  I gave way to hating others on the basis of race, just because I felt hated.

2.  I was offered a position to be the Minister of Agriculture on a small tropical island, and I declined.

1.  I tried cigarettes.

 

TOP TEN LUCKIEST MOVES I’VE EVER MADE

10.  I made 13 for 13 free throws down the stretch to win the B.I.T basketball tournament in college.

9.    I met that girl one time and we did that thing once you know?

8.    In 1988 I decided to play big and to hit people with the left…. 

7.    From then on I always started coming left, first.

6.  I lost my temper and started to follow the way of the gentle.

5.  I never grew one inch above six feet, which is the average height of combatants.

4.  I started playing the tuba because they didn’t have piano in band. (Thanks Mr. Reardon!)

3.  I left on time for a meeting at the Graybar Building on September 11, 2001 because I was planning to smoke before I hit the subway at 8:15 AM. 

2.   I left those guys on the block because I wanted to finish the end of a book.

1.  I met the man, in the flesh, that would change my life forever and I can still remember him.

 

TOP TEN THINGS THAT PEOPLE TELL ME REGULARLY

10.  "Freeze!  Put both hands above your head and move away from the vehicle…"

9.    "I’m sorry sir, but there is no more room at the Playboy Mansion." (I call twice weekly.)

8.    "I’m sorry, but your name doesn’t seem to appear on my list for this evening."

7.    "Oh I know you….. you’re Lysa’s little brother." (anyone in NYC)

6.    "You can’t buy that kind of tobacco in stores, can you?"

5.    "Okay, okay, Mr. Cooper.  I see where you’re going with that….." (my students)

4.    "When are you going to have a girlfriend.  .. Are you sure you aren’t gay?"

3.    "Hey it’s Don Cheadle!"

2.    "Excuse me sir, but the line starts ways over there…. Sir!… SIR!….(security!…)"

1.    "When are you going to run for the presidency of NORML?"

 

THE TOP TEN MOVIES I’VE EVER SEEN

10.  16 Candles (Sum Long Dong… and Molly Ringwald)

9.    The Breakfast Club  (more Molly)

8.    National Lampoon’s Van Wilder

7.    I’m Gonna Get You Sucka (Wayans)

6.    Malcolm X  (Spike & Denzel at their most historical)

5.    School Daze  (Spike at his most romantic)

4.    Bamboozled (Spike at his bitterest)

3.     Ferris Buellers Day Off  (loosely based my life on the character….)

2.     Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory  (loosely based my wit on Wonka’s)

1.     The Groove Tube  (Dealers / Brown 25 / Safety Sam…..  what else can I say?)

 

TOP TEN LIES TOLD IN NYC NIGHTCLUBS

10.  You’re beautiful.  You’re so sexy.  You look gorgeous.  Are you a model?

9.    I missed you.  I tried to call you.  Where have you been?  Oh, I remember now!

8.    I know the owner of this place.  Everything in here is free for just me.  Trust me!

7.    I’m coming out with a record… it’s coming out in stores soon.  A rock-rap album.

6.    I was hanging with Puffy and Jay-Z in this joint last night.

5.    I work for MTV, I "do" videos and I’m a male, but I’m not a director.

4.    I was just about to pay for that.  I insist.

3.    I’m only in town one night because I have a game against the Nets tomorrow.

2.    You see that Bentley/Porsche/Denali/steed outside over there…  yeah?well I own it.

1.    I know Lysa Cooper.  I know 50 Cent.  This chain is all platinum and diamonds.

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