Top Ten Lists… More Cowbell Edition!

TOP TEN GREAT MOVIE ONE-LINERS*:
10). "Damn, I hate being a foregone conclusion." (THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR)
9). "I hate having to resort to knocking elderly people in the head to get their money but you know I’ll do it if I have to. You know I will." (JUNGLE FEVER)
8). "Never underestimate the power of denial." (AMERICAN BEAUTY)
7). "You’re not cool until you pee your pants." (BILLY MADISON)
6). "Goose, you big STUD, take me to bed or loose me forever." (TOP GUN)
5). "Talking about love is like dancing about architecture." (PLAYING BY HEART)
4). "Go sell crazy someplace else." (AS GOOD AS IT GETS)
3). "You have the gift of being perfectly natural." (BEING THERE)
2). "I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen." (SAY ANYTHING)
1). "You can put a cat in the oven, but that don’t make it a biscuit." (WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP)

*A major assist from Catherine "Mia" Kolwey, a true friend and sister.

 

TOP TEN EXCUSES FROM STUDENTS WITH NO HOMEWORK

10.  "It’s in my locker."  So I said, "Go get it."   35 minutes later student returns…. "I couldn’t find it."

9.    "I don’t know.  I don’t think that I have it with me.  I think that I remember doing it though."

8.    "I didn’t see it."  /  "I didn’t know we had it."  /  "I thought it was due tomorrow."

7.    A student stared at me with the silent treatment.  He refused to make a sound or blink.

6.   "Another student told me that we didn’t have to really do it."

5.   "It wasn’t in the syllabus." / "You never showed me how to do the problems."

4.   "There were too many of them."  How many of them did you do?  "Part one of the first problem."  Student has "1." written on page.

3    "I don’t do homework." / "I’ll take the gentleman’s zero on that, Mr. Cooper." /  "Ha! …  Homework you say?!?!"

2.   "I didn’t think it would matter." / "Can I get that to you whenever I feel like?"  /  "I’m not planning on passing."

1.    "This bullshit ain’t fucking helping me……  FUCK YOU!"

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