Lolo Lost

 

 

Everybody’s favorite Olympian and Black Girl of the Year finalist, Lolo Jones lost in the 100 meter hurdles when she stumbled and I cried. The cameraman followed Lolo after her post race interview all the way under the bleachers of the stadium and showed her crying, and I cried some more.

It was one thing to hear about the news of Lolo’s failure from early news releases that blatantly ignore the consideration of the timed tape delay for broadcasting and it was another to physically see it. This morning on the Today Show Lolo had the mental strength and poise to be on television (showing her fine-ass legs in some cargo shorts) to give an interview with the actual gold medal winner. (I don’t know her name, because she’s not nearly as fine as Lolo.) Damn! Lolo still looked good on television even though the other chick had a gold medal around her neck and Lolo had none.

I could tell by the way Lolo leaned back in her chair –and looking fine as hell, that she had come to the realization and resolve to try to continue to compete. I love Lolo, seriously, but this loss was just too much for me. I don’t know if I can wait another four years for Lolo to try for the gold. Besides, Lolo will be 30 years old at the next Olympic Games in London, and running is a young woman’s sport. I know that she’ll still be absolutely gorgeous by the time the next Summer Games come around but I have other, more pressing issues with Lolo. When are we going to have time to make this pop off if Lolo is going to be training for some race incessantly? How is Lolo going to be able to squeeze out one of my kids and still be in top condition for the games?

Lolo I so wish that I was in China to comfort you about your loss and help you realize that now is our time. Sure I had visions of us doing crazy things with a gold medal swinging rhythmically and violently around your beautiful neck, but we can still do that shit! Girl, I’m not even focused on the medal like that. (I mean, it would have been nice, but we don’t have to be perfectionists.) I’m an idealist, but I’m totally okay with us inventing our reality together, tonight. Even though Tom says that you’re on a plane right now to get his balls, I’m willing to go half on diverting your flight to wherever I’m at if you’re seriously ‘bout it. Hell I’m willing to go to Baton Rouge or Iowa, even though Rudy says that you look like Derek Jeter’s sister.

Lolo, let’s recap:

1. You are still stupid fine, with your bad self.

2. You looked great in your post-interview when you choked back tears.

3. You looked great on the Today Show this morning -way better than the chick who won.

4. You looked great on the cover the Washington Post even though the loss was apparent.

5. You still have the distinction of being the finest girl in track, that I know of.

6. See above, girl!  You got this!

Years from now people will be asking "where were you when Lolo lost?"  I’ll have to say that I was in Washington DC in line at the Five Guys burger joint with Lorenzo and Rudes.  I got a text from my girlfriend out in Cali telling me the horrible news.  I was in disbelief until I saw it on television in between smoking copious dank and downing The Glenlivet Scotch like it was going out of style.  Yes, yesterday is the day that the hurdling died for me.  The only thing that I can think of is to console myself with those Olympians that I missed.  I’m speaking specifically about the Feres twins from Brazil that compete in synchronized swimming.  I’m not really trying to steal Lolo’s thunder or anything –because Lord knows she’s still ridiculously fine, but I have to post some pictures that will cheer up my fans.  I know that you guys are all crying inside, too.  Anyway, here are some photos to take your mind off of Lolo for a little while.  Besides, I think that we’re going to need some time to regroup, alone together.

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