Two Politically Incorrect Shorts

Short Number One:  Politcs as Usual

I wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised if Senator John McCain shot Senator Barack Obama dead at the next presidential debate. (I’m covering the third debate on October 15, 2008.)  I can just imagine McCain in some repressed racial tirade that leads him to take on the cause of “good white citizens” by offing the “uppity negro.”

I, of course, am in no way condoning such behavior but McCain could be the tinder box that ignites the impending race war should Obama lose the election through any other cause other than his complete abdication of his campaign.  I also can’t help but to think that signs like the one on the right should make John McCain think very seriously about being a spokesman for people making decisions entirely based on race, if he wasn’t already one of them.  Silence on the issue is akin to consent.  If McCain were smarter he would have used this opportunity to deliver his own speech on race in America, in order to get the last word in.  But I’m just a Black Republican, what do I know?


Short Number Two:  Classic Friday Night DIC Loses a Crazy Bitch in Just One Hour!

Picture DIC holding it down at the crib trying to figure out how to break it to yonder SillyGirl that he isn’t really all that interested in seeing her because something is amiss with the va-jay-jay.  Lets just say that SillyGirl’s vagina was significantly devalued –probably the result of previous wanton deregulation because she was mentally impaired. Not to mention SillyGirl had a penchant for letting stupid shit come out of her mouth like "I love you."  Furthermore, SillyGirl went so far to write "I love you" in a Hallmark card and actually hand delivered it with the expectation that DIC would open it on the spot and read it!  Needless to say, after only one week of real dating (4 actual dates spread over six months), it was a little bit hard to believe the true depths of SillyGirls emotions.  Hoes lie.  DIC would employ the classic defense, How to Lose a Crazy Bitch in an Hour.

Rather than say it outright, DIC comes up with the plan to continue to bide his time by passively-aggressively never asking to see her again.  In DIC’s experience, it never pays to wait on love bombs because after they go off girls usually want reciprocation.  Besides, an early love bomb usually means that a girl doesn’t have a good relationship with her father and the instability that comes from such a significant failed relationship can be the source of some serious crazy.  Hoes are needy.  DIC’s rule is to never break away from crazy, but to make crazy break away from DIC.  Essentially this is the waiting game in reverse routine: you need to seem considerate enough to stay in contact until the other person breaks it off.  The key to this move is to never let on that you do not intend to see the person again, while keeping all interactions either public or long distance.  (Pimp translation: Long-D-in-them hoes.) 

8:03 PM DIC texts: “So how was your day?”

8:07 PM SillyGirl texts: “Good! Very productive. How is New York?”

8:08 PM DIC texts “I’m holding down DC. May go out drinking…”

8:10 PM SillyGirl texts “Oh Cool. Yeah I think we are going to Ibiza.”

  1. This is the confirmation that DIC was concerned about: he did not want to be on the hook for a Friday night with SillyGirl and he successfully ensured that she would be with friends at some bullshit nightclub instead.
  2. Never try this move with a girl that you actually care for.  You know niggas are sitting up in the club plotting on your fine pussy.  If she’s fine enough, never let a woman that you intend to keep go to the club, alone or with "friends."  Keep that chick in a hijab.

8:26 PM SillyGirl texts “Ok one friend won’t be ready for another two hours and the other is still in MD. Do u want to hang out? I’m restless… girls I tell ya.”

  1. Fifteen minutes later there was an apparent reversal shameless ploy that was met by no response.  A non-response is the best thing that you can do in this instance because it essential says: bitch, I’m not paying attention to you…  aren’t you supposed to be somewhere?

8:34 PM SillyGirl calls to push the issue. DIC politely reminds SillyGirl that the two of them did not make plans. (DIC told himself about a year ago that he would never “make plans” with a woman again because of StupidGirl.  See #2 below.) Instead, DIC informs SillyGirl of his intentions to hold down the PlayStation in his velour Fila sweat suit until it was late enough (1 AM) to go to the all-night steak place with the full bar and hold that down. The two hang up amicably with DIC saying “I’ll call you later.”

  1. Picking up the phone and calling to confirm was a very calculated and shrewd move by SillyGirl.  But, chances are she never factored in DIC’s resolve to leave her Silly ass alone on a Friday night.
  2. She is Silly, not stupid.  (StupidGirl never got the memo that DIC never calling or making plans meant that DIC never wanted to see her again because she was stupid.)  SillyGirl definitely got it because after a a solid week of "how was your day?" texts with no planning she became irritated.
  3. If DIC says that he’ll "call you later" you can bet that is the last time you’re going to hear his voice for a while, probably until you call DIC again.

8:39 PM SillyGirl texts “Things are so always on your page and on your terms. I’m not interested in steak so no need to call me later.”

  1. Steak houses that stay open past midnight with full bars don’t come cheap.  Whether she ate beef or not, the bill was more than her salary could afford.  With no expectation of intercourse, DIC wondered what SillyGirl thought that she would be bringing to the table?  Who invited this hoeWho told this bitch she was invited?
  2. Nobody invited SillyGirl so instead of finding a stand-in replacement, this money should be looked at as an unexpected boon that could be put towards some much needed hallucinogens.

8:52 PM DIC texts “I thought that you had plans. You are so demanding. How am I supposed to adapt to your girl running late in Maryland? My steelo already changed for you.”

  1. This is the classic crazy-talk rouse.  It gives the appearance of giving a fuck without actually changing the scenario one bit.

8:56 PM SillyGirl texts “No I’m not. We honestly do whatever you want. I think I seriously want to just deal with you platonically. Its bigger than tonight. You are on [DIC] mode. Good night.”

8:58 PM DIC texts “Ok.”

And just like that people, DIC is gone.  Nights like this is the reason that 18-year-old scotch was invented.  Glenlivet Scotch, Davidoff cigars, PlayStation football, and steak is a much better short term deal than conversations about feelings, entertaining silliness, and suspect mental states.


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