“Ain’t no tellin where I may be / May see me in D.C. at Howard Homecomin’ /
with my man Capone, dumbin’, fuckin’ somethin’ / You should know my steelo /
Went from ten G’s for blow to thirty G’s a show / to orgies with hoes I never seen befo’”

–Notorious B.I.G from Kick in the Door


It has become painfully obvious that the football program over there at Howard University is in complete shambles. Long gone are the days of old when Gary Harrell was catching touchdown passes from Jay “Sky” Walker and Howard University played Marshall University for the Division 1-AA Championship back when I was in school. Indeed, times have changed right before my very eyes.

The Howard University Bison absolutely suck on the gridiron in 2008. The football team already managed to lose to Georgetown, Hampton, Florida A&M, and Winston Salem State this year. The only win that the Bison have notched, so far, this season came against Savannah State –a perennial cupcake. Needless to say, fans of the Bison don’t even have their hopes up for a homecoming victory against Morgan State this Saturday, but that shouldn’t stop the partying.

Howard University Homecoming is the quintessential event for the Black College experienced. No other HBCU homecoming has the star power and the see-and-be-seen appeal that ‘The Mecca’ has to offer. Legendary rapper Notorious B.I.G. rapped about it. Jay Z, Sean Combs, L.L. Cool J, and others have made regular pit stops there. Pageantry, fashion shows, and concerts are all good distractions when the football team is terrible. The highlight of the festivities will undoubtedly be the Friday Yard Fest on the main campus beginning at 11:00 AM.

Thousands of visitors will pack The Yard for free concerts by well-known artists and street vendors hawking the latest wares. Georgia Avenue promises to be totally out of control as niggas brothers from all over the country try their hand at creating a mini Freak-nic by slowing their roll in their shiniest rent-a-car rides to garner female attention. Howard University is known for having a ridiculous ratio of women to men, realistically estimated at 8:1, and some of the loveliest stuck-up black women on the planet. The statistics were long held up as proof that Black Males were an endangered species on college campuses, and even justification for everything from womanizing to shameless materialism.

Howard University Homecoming only serves to reinforce those stereotypes and legends, as students fill the nightclubs attired in finery during the week-long celebration that will culminate with Saturday’s definite trouncing probable loss. Fortunately the football game isn’t going to be a completely dull affair or the only game in town, for that matter. The Howard University Showtime Marching Band is sure to entertain and if you can’t get your pimp on while attending Homecoming events then you might want to check the validation on your Black Card.

Of course fraternity parties will be all the rage, and Black Greeks are still campus kings. Visiting busters members from other schools will surely put on their brightest paraphernalia and step on the campus where many of the African-american fraternities and sororities were founded. Some of them will be in for a rude awakening because the brand of brotherhood and sisterhood peddled at Howard is slightly xenophobic. As backwards as it sounds, if you didn’t pledge your organization at Howard, then you might as well say that you’re not in it. If I were you I wouldn’t go traipsing off to the corner of the end zone thinking it’s going down sweet just because you have a purple shirt, either. There are going to be way too many people that want to talk to you, just because of it, so I avoid colors and letters altogether at homecoming.

A word to the wise: bourgeoisie black rules apply. If you don’t have your good job-right connections talk game down, then you better believe that your influence in this sphere is going to be limited considerably. At Howard University networking is the key to a special kind of affluence that can open doors. Do you want to be one of the guys that gets to watch the football game from the sidelines of the field or are you content in the stands? Do your merely want admittance to the most fabulous parties or are you trying to hold it down in V.I.P.? Are you trying to blow major dank kick it on The Yard with impunity or are you just okay with hitting your friend’s squeeze bottle of gin and juice on the low? These are all questions that you would want to have answered before you arrive.

The football game isn’t going to be in question, however. Howard University has one player, apparently, and his name is Endor Cooper: The All American Middle Linebacker is a tackling machine, but if you can somehow get past him then you can score. Head Coach Carey Bailey, already in his second year, must not have known what he was getting into but if he wants to stay at our storied institution he would do well to surprise some people and win a few of these homecoming games. Lord knows black folk hate to lose on homecoming, even if he is a newbie from Minnesota…

At this stage, I’m a Howard Homecoming veteran so I’ll be concentrating on the bare minimum to keep my fraternity brothers and friends happy. The theme this year is Eden, and if you happen to be an educated African-american male with new Jordan’s, a fresh haircut, a job that requires the occasional use of cufflinks and access to some rims, you’ll soon find out why…  Talented Tenth peep game:

The Bruzz’ Eden Schedule

Wednesday, Oct. 15 @ 6:00 PM until 10:00 PM in Blackburn Ballroom: “Serenity” International Student Party. Free Admission. Caribbean students wind it up!

Thursday, Oct. 16 @ 10:30 PM in Crampton Auditorium “Cirque De La Vie” Fashion Show

Friday, Oct. 17 @ 11:00 AM until sundown Yard Festival

Friday, Oct. 17 @ 5:30 PM until 3:00 AM Rudy’s Old School Alumni House Party @ 57 Randolph Place. Free food. Free liquor. Free admission. Hosted by brothers of Alpha Phi Alpha and Kappa Kappa Psi. All cool Greeks welcomed, but tone it down…

Friday, Oct. 17 @ 7:00 PM in Crampton Auditorium Raheem DeVaughn R&B Concert

Saturday, Oct. 18 @ 10:00 AM near the Main Campus, Homecoming Parade.

Saturday, Oct. 18 @ 12:00 Noon in Greene Stadium: Howard versus Morgan State. Like every year, regardless of how well the football team is performing, this even is sold out. I hope you know someone important!

Saturday, Oct. 18 @ 6:00 PM until 9:00 PM @ “I can’t even tell you, pimp.” Exclusive Alumni Cool Kids Affair hosted by Bison Round-up’s Bryndon Moore. (You can’t get in.)

Saturday, Oct. 18 @ 7:00 PM in DC Armory: The Duel of the Divine Greek Step Show ($30).

Saturday, Oct. 18 @ 8:30 PM until 3:00 AM @ Bobby Vans. Masquerade Ball DJ Kid Capri and 92 Drew Crew’s own, Young Guru. (All inclusive, top shelf open bar, $100.)

Sunday, Oct. 19 @ 11:00 AM until 4:00 PM Bison Roundup Unified Alumni Brunch.  Station 9 (1438 U Street.)

If there were only enough time, then I would also suggest the For Alumni By Alumni (FABA) party at B. Smith’s restaurant in Union Station on Friday, Oct. 17 @ 9:00 PM. The truth of the matter is that it is way too far away from campus to see the kid and that there are just way too many parties during Howard Homecoming week. I’m not saying that it will be a bunk party or anything, I’m just saying that I can only attend the very best of the best given my elite veteran status.

Bonus:  Genesis Chapter 2

8 And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.
9 And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of The Garden, and The Tree of Knowledge of good and evil.
10 And a river went out of Eden to water The Garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.
11 The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold;
12 And the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone.
13 And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia. 14 And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river is Euphrates.
15 And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of The Garden thou mayest freely eat: 17 But of The Tree of the Knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.


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