May Monsoon

I know that you probably think that I’m just sitting down eating cannolis all day but I’ve actually been really busy of late. Stuff has been popping off, you know?  Here is a peek into the month of May 2009.

Cassie’s Got Goodies

Aspiring music industry starlet, Cassie, showed the world her vagina to boost album sales recently. In addition to a full frontal nude picture in which Cassie is holding each leg with each hand, she also released some topless photos. I’m not going to be one of those people that will post the pictures to his website, but let’s just say that I’ve seen the photos. I’d like to take this time to thank Cassie, personally, for letting me know that both of her nipples are pierced in addition to her clitoris.  The only thing we haven’t seen from Cassie is her anus, so I feel like I might be ready to pretend that I know an actual song that Cassie sings now. I’m still not buying her album, but it sure was nice to see her vagina. Thanks again, Cassie. I’m sure you’re destined to be a big star. Even if you don’t make it, I want you to know that you can always call me.
Seriously if it doesn’t work out, and Sean Combs finally marries Kim Porter, I want you to know that it isn’t too late to just email me so we can talk about it.

Rihanna’s Got Goodies

Not to be outdone, certified R&B diva Rihanna decided to go ahead and put her assets out there in the World Wide Web and pictures of her lady parts suddenly started appearing along with pictures of Chris Brown with panties on his head. I don’t think that Rihanna won this round –despite her star power, because she never went full spread eagle like Cassie did. The best that Rihanna could do was the lean-over, back shot that left some, more obscure, parts of her vagina up for the imagination. If you are a heterosexual Black male, I hope that you have had a chance to view the pictures. If not, email me on this site and I’ll see what I can do. There are so many other sites out there that are probably showing it that you could Google the key words and I bet that the photos come up. It’s not like she didn’t put them out there herself for the whole world to see so I’m not really promoting it like that. I do condone her behavior, though. Rihanna, you may carry on…

Really Now? Really?

Some kid dropped out of San Diego High School after his junior year to play professional basketball overseas. (Sound familiar?) Yes, pretty soon this will have The Problem with Middle School Sports written all over it but I couldn’t bring myself to do the actual research on this story in order to make it pop. You’ll just have to take my word for how dumb this move is. On the one hand you have an opportunity to get a lot of money from your rather mundane ability to put a round ball in a round hole.
On the other hand, you aren’t going to be academically, emotionally, or socially prepared to satisfy the bare minimum of this society’s standard for a functional human being. Dropping out of college for the cash makes a little more sense, if only because college has long been categorized as optional. (However, my father would make the argument today that the facts are changing.) The last time that I checked, high school was mandatory and guys that can’t finish are destined to not get God’s joke about their life.

I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t this strangely reminiscent of surfing icon Joel Tudor and the fact that he left his high school and California in order to pursue a professional career? Well, sort of but I would make a strong case that Joel’s journey took him at least to high school equivalency because the mentoring structure is different in professional surfing than embarking in professional basketball. A life of traveling the world surfing for a living is the equivalent of getting a PhD in life studies or at the worst leisure studies. Traveling the world playing in various basketball leagues, even with a General Equivalency Degree (GED), amounts to coming limp and there doesn’t seem to be much glory in at all. A voluntary expatriate might soon realize that the comforts of home are not so bad at all regardless of how much success is abroad or how poor his conditions were before. The difference is probably the fact that there is simply no other way in surfing, and the established routes in basketball are so tried and true it rather looks like Jeremy Tyler is running from something.  Time will surely tell.  As a people, black folk have been down this road too many times to count… Although he could be a millionaire.

How’s About Them Stags?

In high school sports the Stags had a good spring. DeMatha was in the hunt in everything, but ended up taking the two more WCAC championships in tennis and then lacrosse. The golf team couldn’t get it firing like last year and the super sophomore Ben Warnquist didn’t successfully defend his titles in the WCAC when they lost Paul VI; and again in the Private Schools Championship when he lost to Georgetown Prep by a significant stroke margin. The Stags’ baseball team made the play-offs and lost to an excellent Bishop Ireton Cardinals team 4-2 in the semi-finals. (The baseball final featured what some are calling a shift in power to the two Virginia schools Bishop Ireton and Paul VI –who also won a state title in the sport this year in addition to the WCAC title.) The track team missed their opportunity to defend their crowns when star junior Corey Puffet went down in the first day on with an injury and Gonzaga won their third WCAC title in the year.

Senior golfer Luke Thatcher will graduate from DeMatha in June along with the rest of the bunch, so he is pictured here to represent yet another great class of Stags.   It also gives you a good shot at his golf bag and golf shirt.  Basically, the DeMatha uniforms are fresh and you should root for them.  Seriously if you don’t, I heard that you’re the devil.  At the very least, you’d be considered one of his minions.  The bottom line is that Luke Thatcher still had a great year and no matter what happens in the sport of golf, he still has a bright future ahead of him.  My hats are really off to the seniors this year.  They represented so hard and so official that I am sure that this year is going down in the history books as one of the best.  Maybe they didn’t win as many titles as other years, but something about this class was certainly special.

Stags LAX

It is a good thing that Tommy Chroniger is on the lacrosse team because he scored the go-ahead goal in the championship game against Saint Mary’s Ryken.  It is also a good thing that the tennis team was mad about losing to Gonzaga last year because DeMatha has a grand total of four WCAC titles this year. (One more than Gonzaga has.) I didn’t make any of the lacrosse games this year because they play right after school and I’m usually still working. I’m really sorry because I heard that we had a really nice team this year. As usual, DeMatha spent most of their time concentrating on winning the 2009 WCAC lacrosse championship at the expense of losing bragging rights games to traditional Washington DC area powers, Georgetown Prep and Landon. We did beat St. Albans this year, which rounds out the IAC conference second tier of competition, so the Stags might be ready to make another run at an undefeated season if they can get their acts together. If you don’t know lacrosse personalities, then you have no idea what I’m talking about but 11 out of the last 12 WCAC championships ain’t bad. We still only had one conference loss this year so to them it probably didn’t matter to them that much when they lost to the rich kids from another conference during tune-up games. DeMatha senior Phillip Poe doesn’t seem like the kind of kid that gives a damn how much money you might have in the bank because he is still going to win all of the face-offs, anyway.

Stags Tennis Backhand Smacks That Gonzaga

Speaking about the rich kids in the conference, I’m always glad when we can stick it to Gonzaga. (See Phillip Poe photo above.)  I’m so happy that the DeMatha Stag tennis team totally did it to the Purple Eagles, too. Some of you already know that I grew up playing lacrosse on Long Island and have a great deal of affection for the sport, but I want you to know that I have also enjoyed tennis. The reason why I bring this up is because I learned at a very early age that certain sports require a certain mind set in order to be successful in them. (I was fair in both, but not totally awesome: I have endurance but only a slight superiority complex.) I alluded to it in the preceding paragraph in trying to capture a slice of the lacrosse personality, but the bottom line is that tennis is an individual form of the same general complex.  DeMatha definitely had the tennis player that worked the hardest last year, and yet we still lost the team championship in 2008. In 2009 the Stags came in with the right attitude and carried the cerebral sport in a sweep with the best individual player and the WCAC title over defending Gonzaga. It doesn’t get much sweeter than that. DeMatha senior John Collins took the individual honors so he is pictured in the inset, here.  Well, at least he’s in the smaller one.

Bring on the victory girls…

    

 

 

Steady Showers: Idea Development Department

Brain Teaser is a vigilante that eventually kills people after torturing them using his wits. I need to know if anyone out there in the cartoon world can help me develop this character that I want to write into life. I need someone that can draw comics or anime to help me with the vision. So who’s ‘bout it? I think that the world is ready for a new kind of super hero. I think that we can take the new mythology to higher heights. I probably have enough for two series right now, but I could do a whole lot more if I knew what these people looked like. Holler at your boy and send me a message on this web site if you think that you might know somebody.

 

Anyway, back by popular demand, Miss Denise Milani.  She’s holding it down for a lot of people out there in the Internet world.  I’m really feeling the purple, too.  I bet her knee caps are sexy.  From what I can see of her elbows, they’re off the hook.  I’m not saying that she’s perfect, or anything.  Just sayin’.

You Tube It

Have you guys seen The Top Sixty Ghetto Names of all time? Two Latino kids made it up. Some are crying racism and others just find it funny. Here’s how I draw the line: if I want to join in, then it’s funny. If I don’t join in, it’s not funny and you’re a racist bastard. The highlights from the You Tube video:

Fri’chikeneisha: you know it’s wrong, but would laugh if you heard it.

Koolaidria: again, this one is pure genius.

Obamaniqua: it is a sign of the times, and you know some black mom will do it.

Collargreeneisha: borderline over the top, but Oleracea and cruciferous vegetables excite me.

Clitorisandrea: I think that this one already happened in real life.

Timberlandria: This is one that was destined to be manifested.

Newportia: 100% true, just like the menthol cigarettes.

La’weavatrice: I bet that there are one’s out there that are close to this now.

I’m adding Dankeneesha and Bluntrishia as two more personal favorites to round out the top ten. Okay, last one: Rapperecia. I guess, I think that it’s funny so my brown brothers get a pass.  If you happened to be offended by my contributions in this area, rest assured that I at least provided an educational link as an escape.  (See above.)  If you just clicked on the video then you really need to start owning up to your responsibilities and contributions in the degeneration of our society.  Seriously.  Get a grip.

The Battle of the Beltway: Baseball Edition

I was in DC for the Memorial Day weekend and taking in the festivities of the Nationals versus Orioles baseball series in our nation’s capital. It was totally fresh. The Washington Nationals actually suck pretty badly but there is nothing like going to see professional baseball in America. I think that is why they call it America’s pastime. I don’t trust Americans that say that they don’t like baseball or Coca-Cola. I don’t trust men that don’t love their mothers either. I also seem to have a problem with people that don’t own washcloths, but that might be being a bit snobbish. So is the thing about not trusting men without any facial hair or playing cards with men named after cities. All of the little quirks that I have probably owe themselves to something deeply seated in my subconscious, but whatever.

(There was this time that I lost like $50 in a dice game while breaking the cardinal rule about dice games: Never shoot dice with someone that has dice tattooed somewhere on their body.) I’m cutting off all my facial hair for the summer. Anyway the only reason why I’m bringing all of this stuff up is because the Nationals actually won a game during the series. I got to see a grand slam in the Washington Nationals ballpark during an 8-5 win. I think that the person that hit it was Adam Dunn, the left fielder. The Nationals really don’t win that many games so this was a rare occurrence, indeed. Of course, it is still the beginning of the season and there is a long way to go, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’ll be back on the baseball tip. This series doesn’t have anything on the New York Mets versus New York Yankees, but it was kind of cool to see how it all went down, Beltway style.

Another great year for the DeMatha Stags graduation Bonus Round:

 

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