Kookbox Blog III: Imagine the Possibilities When Different Worlds Collide

Think of what would happen if Kookbox shot commercials.  You just know that I would be able to work my magic and have some say in them.  As you may already understand, I am well versed in preppy haberdashery and somewhat of a basketball aficionado so my influence may have already resulted in groundbreaking collaborations. I’m not saying that I’m a shot caller at Kookbox but, just take a look at just one of the ideas that I’m tossing around in my head right now and tell me that it shouldn’t go down:

Accenting the All American

Scene:  Pan out showing two dudes on a globe.  One clearly Hawaiian, located somewhere around Southern California.  The other is clearly a Negro from Staten Island about to get on the train somewhere in New York City.  We see them both on the screen, transverse, from sea to shining Sea.  Kookbox wants to be where you are and only let’s you hear the accents from two specs on the screen filled with the globe…

Picture me speaking in my best Danny Fuller voice: You see the thing about it is that everybody’s all thinking that Kookbox isn’t even really all that official here, and that is just not the case.  The real shit is that Kookbox is really so official that you didn’t even know about it, yeah?  We’re so down on the mainland that we do shit with like fucking everybody’s All-American, Ralph Lauren, type Polo shit that knocks your little shit out of the frame, yeah?  Kookbox is fucking shit crazy out of control, yeah?  I bet you don’t know shit about it brah. 

Okay, know think of me like Knuckles (Clyde Smith) from off the Supreme Clientele Ghostface Killah album (again):  A-yo sonne this is Knuckles, nah mean?  A-yo sonne, I’m-ma just tell you that Kookbox is that crack, nah mean?  Shits is out of control at Kookbox, walking on water sonne, nah mean?  Cats is on some straight miracle shit.  We not fuckin’ playin’ around with your little bitch-asses, sonne, nah mean?  We on our Polo shits.  Paper ya’ know what I’m sayin’?!  We gonna make our stacks…  catch waves…  and make a better world for the children, nah mean?  And you know who this is.  This is Knuckles!  Now get the fuck out my face.

And fade…  Out!


Now think of what would happen if I were the commissioner of professional surfing. 

Imagine if Surfing Were Like an NBA-PGA Hybrid

Not long ago I was on Surfline drooling over what I’m not getting on a daily basis anymore –like my ex-girlfriend’s Facebook page, and I came across an article on Kelly Slater talking about what the sport of surfing needs.  Maybe it was ESPN?  (“I smoked the color TV.”)  The point of the reference is that I starting thinking to myself what I  would do to the sport of surfing if I  were the commissioner.  The first thing that I’d do is get some black people in it: Namely, myself.  Fuck the David Stern shit, I’d be a Commissioner/Player. How else am I supposed to win a tournament? And then I’d have to get a brother like Stephon Marbury in that joint, running the point.  I don’t know, someone would have to teach him how to surf or some shit.  Whatever:  it could happen because Stephon is an athlete.  I’m sure he’s going to be looking for work soon because I heard that the Celtics had already tried to shop him. 

Anyway, how do you build up a surplus of brothers when you’re starting out with pretty much close to none?  Kookbox, that’s how.  Stephon, if you are somewhere reading this please stop crying in front of your computer screen and buy a Kookbox surfboard.  (Click on the picture of Joel’s House of Kookbox, below.  Don’t worry, someone will teach you how to ride it.)  Get ready for your second career, ‘Starbury.’  We’re waiting for you, so seriously, have your people get in contact with our people so we can transform surfing.  Really, we’ll make it kind of like the Professional Golf Association so the sponsorship will be sick and people will actually want to follow the tour.  That’s right, Stephon.  I’m basically saying that there is more publicity out there for you in the world of surfing if you are willing to align yourself with Kookbox.  I won’t even get into the fact that surfing is an individual pursuit.  I know that you like to like to think of yourself as kind of a big deal.  What do you know about Tiger Woods type of fame?  Anyway, we’re way more spiritual and soulful than Tiger is, so you should feel right at home with us.


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