More Dating Ridiculousness: Basic Black Girls

Facts: The woman, referred to as Miz Thang,  that I am discussing is a native of Washington DC, a registered nurse, and a member of a Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. She has never been married and she also happens to be 34-years-old. Her last boyfriend of four years left her for another woman after Miz Thang put him through law school. She is a member of my aunt’s church who decided that we should meet each other.

The Meeting: We went on one date to a baseball game on Sunday, August 18th. She was late because she went to brunch with her “girlfriends” and couldn’t make the 1:30PM start time. We arrived sometime after the 3rd inning, sat and talked. She wasn’t hungry. I bought her ice cream anyway. The Nationals won the game in extra innings and we went back to my place where she demanded to see proof that I was employed. I gave her a business card, but she was adamant that more proof be offered because people could have business cards printed anywhere. I showed her my W-2 from last year and then we settled on the balcony and chatted some more. I must not have been all that interesting to her because she fell asleep during the conversation. I took that as my cue to walk her back to her car before we went our separate ways. I thought she had a lot of baggage but also a lot of potential. I think that it is worth noting here that I’m also an idiot, though.

The Follow-up Conversation: After talking about incidentals and whatnot on the phone, I told her that I would pick our third date if she would pick the second. Her choice was for me to go over to her house to hang blinds. I balked at the idea, although I begrudgingly said that I could help her on the weekend, just not during the week. She meant for me to come over and hang blinds at her house the next day: a Tuesday. When I asked if she was going to make me dinner or a sandwich or something for helping her, I didn’t get the response that I expected. She basically straight up said she didn’t feel like doing it.  But she still wanted to know why I couldn’t just do it without expecting anything in return. I suppose that I could have done it out of the kindness of my heart, but instead I couldn’t wait to get off the phone. I made up a semi-viable excuse and bailed on the set. I was mad at myself for committing to helping her on Saturday because I knew that Rudy would have a field day with tales of me Simping in the game.

The Follow-up to the Follow-up Conversation: I let it breathe for a day to see if that lady was really as bad-crazy as I thought that she was. It turns out, that she was even bad-crazier than I thought. I guess she was a Facebook detective or something because I started getting all types of text messages about the women in my photos. Being the basic black girl that she is, she had a hard time wrapping her head around why every single woman in my pictures wasn’t black. She must have taken her inquiry to our only mutual friend because she asked a person that I have only seen twice since graduating college if I had a girlfriend. The mutual friend who shall be called Lacy for the sake of expedience said that she thought that I might have been dating someone back in February.

Side note:  No offense to Lacy, but it would be like me commenting that I wasn’t even really friends with on an everyday level.  Fraternities & sorority associates are in a different category with me.  (Yeah, we’re cool by organization but we probably shouldn’t be considered friends if I only see you at homecoming and fraternity/sorority functions, so make sure that you holler at The Bruzz.)  Lacy attended an affair to which I escorted a friend that happens to be Caucasian so there is some basis for her assumption, although that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Either way, there we were in July, and this lady is asking people that I don’t even really know all that well what my relationship status was.  Did I mention that I went on that one date back in February?

The Result: I called Miz Thang on the phone and told her that I didn’t have a girlfriend. I tried to get past the whole manual labor, date thing and I even expressed my plans for the third date. (I was hoping that she had better plans for a second date than me hanging her blinds.) Instead, the woman continued to assert that I was at fault for pursuing her when I had a girlfriend. I tried to tell her that if I had a girlfriend then why would my aunt try to hook me up with someone from her own church? She didn’t ever acknowledge that her line of thinking could possibly be false. I carefully listened to her entire rationalization for such accusations and then I calmly said that I’d “call later” and then I got off the phone. I just didn’t see the benefit of defending myself to a woman that I wasn’t even interested in, anymore. It is never an enjoyable feeling when you’re basically picking up where someone else left off.  She was already assuming an adversarial relationship, and I’m not interested in those for my mate.  

The Action: Immediately upon ending the previous conversation I went online to Facebook and deleted the woman as a friend. My logic was solid and my action was precise: I had no intention of corresponding with her again. (I’m really good at excusing myself and I’ll leave at the drop of a dime.) The woman already had three strikes against her, and she wasn’t fine enough to get four. I didn’t send a nasty note with the de-friend on Facebook, I just did it quietly because honestly I didn’t really even know her well enough to care yet. The next day I got text saying “U deleted me from FB? I won’t contact u again.” I offered no response thinking that I actually got away pretty clean because she exhibited too many early signs of bad crazy. I never thought that I would hear from the woman again… And then…

The Blow Up:

Miz Thang August 24 at 10:00am Report

Hey Daniel,
i saw ur aunt at church today. she asked if we were dating. i told her we met and things didn’t work out and we dcided to go our seperate ways.

DanKnuckles August 24 at 10:05am

Seeing as though it’s my aunt, I might have beaten you to the punch.
My mom asked what ever happed to you and I told her that you accused me of having a girlfriend and that your idea of a second date was me coming over your house to hang your blinds. I didn’t even have to say anything else.
I’m almost positive that my mom said something to her sister.
Whatever happened to you not contacting me anymore?

Miz Thang August 24 at 1:51pm Report

I didnt accuse u Daniel! I told you what Lacy told me. U got upset and deleted me from ur fb page and never responded to my messages. I know u didnt tell ur mother i invited u to my house as a 2nd date to hang my blinds??? Are u serious??? i asked if u could do me a favor, what was the big deal???so u lied on me…

Miz Thang August 24 at 1:53pm Report

and stop being a smart ass daniel..

DanKnuckles August 24 at 3:14pm

Well the big deal is that I’m not some Mexican dude outside of home depot. You could easily pay someone to do your bidding around the house. I was insulted by your request. Seeing as though we had just met -and under the circumstances of me attempting to date you, I found your favor highly unusual. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so unusual after the third or fourth date, but because I just met you it seemed rather ludicrous.
As for what Lacy told you, there is little that I can say. If you would take Lacy’s word that I have a girlfriend over my own, then I hope that you and Lacy are happy together in your beliefs. However the intimation that my family was somehow complicit in some grand scheme to get me into your panties even though I have a girlfriend was even more insulting. Your failure to see the audacity of that scenario is what led to our disassociation. What else am I supposed to say?

Miz Thang August 24 at 3:54pm Report

there is nothing else to say..

The Grand Finale:  It was at this point that I had to go back to Lacy, and mutual friend and set the record straight. I told her that all she had to do was ask me next time so she could report accurately on my relationship status instead of guessing. Lacy is cool and took it in stride and said something to the effect that she didn’t believe that we could have worked out anyway. Apparently Lacy mentioned our correspondence to Miz Thang because two days later, I got this…

Miz Thang August 26 at 12:45am Report

I can’t believe u said something to Lacy.. grow up Daniel…

DanKnuckles August 26 at 7:29am

I wouldn’t have had anything to say, if you would have just kept your word and left me alone. At the end of the day, Lacy is my sorority sister and you’re just some chick that has some serious issues. I have to see her again. You, on the other hand could just stop contacting me and that would probably be the end of it. But you haven’t really tried that yet, have you? Stay out of my business.

Miz Thang August 26 at 9:37am Report

Some chick???WOW. I will never contact u again. YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

DanKnuckles August 26 at 9:46am

Please excuse "some chick." You are a woman with serious issues.

Miz Thang August 26 at 9:47am Report

because i took the word of my friend?? and asked u to do a simple task around my house?? Leave me alone..You are a jerk

DanKnuckles August 26 at 9:55am

Believe what you want to believe. Hang your own damn blinds. I am not the initiator of these conversations that we have been having. If you had kept your thoughts to yourself and just kept it moving you wouldn’t be forced to look at yourself for what you are: shallow, unromantic, stubborn, nosy, distrusting, racist, spinster.
Mind your business and don’t call no names. I can get much uglier than you can in print: I’m a writer. You’re still using children’s abbreviations and you write letters like SMS texts.

Miz Thang August 26 at 10:02am Report

Daniel, this is fb.. Get real. I am capable of writing as well. I have a MSA. You have serious issues.

Lessons learned:

  1. Black girls aren’t easy. Want-to-be bourgeoisie black girls are impossible.
  2. My policy to cut bait isn’t entirely unfounded: stick to quitting early.
  3. Every first date should be as cheap and revealing.
  4. I need to post my W-2 and credit score conspicuously around the house.
  5. My family will stop at nothing to get me the most pussy possible.
  6. It is totally acceptable to ask someone to do some “simple tasks” around your house as a means of getting to know each other or in lieu of a second date.

I guess momma won’t be feeding me any of her sorority girls for a while.


One Response to “More Dating Ridiculousness: Basic Black Girls”

  1. Rahel Says:

    OK…on the one hand, you ARE a chore to date…lol1) Black girls aren\’t easy…..So that\’s what you are looking for?2) The cutting bait is part of what makes you a chore to date ("Cutting your losses" will never allow you to get too close to anyone, trust me, I speak from both sides of that fence)3) I AGREE WITH THIS ONE!!!! ;-)4) That was just tacky and steryotipical on her part (though the racist spinster part was a bit much)5) Haha …(notice Sis didn\’t chime in on that one;-)6) She must be used to that sort of request being well-recieved…better you know up front (see #3)OrrrrrMaybe you should just send her this link…Not that you are going to initiate any further convo…lololol

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